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Sash is depressed. It's about people again.

I'm coughing a lot this morning, but only because I was choking on the (Delicious) sponge cake my mum made yesterday. Mum's mad at me, and I don't know what I've done wrong, I don't know how to live in fear of upsetting everyone by 'tones of voice' that you people are apparently so sensitive about. (The term 'you' is a sweeping generalisation. If you're a member of the ASD community and feel the same way: this isn't aimed at you).

Human Beings present to me a challenge, one that I sometimes (like today) do not believe I can overcome. People are unpredictable and confusing. Each day that goes past; is a day that my view on society deteriorates and reinforces a newfound wish to cement my isolation from society (Coronavirus has nothing to do with it: Anxiety had me practising 'social distancing' for the last 15 years).

The Government-ordered lockdown in the UK hasn't even affected my life, at all. That should serve as an example of the state of my 'life' ; if I can even call it that. For 5 years since my first, and last, job - at a college that took me on (without an interview) as a cleaner and supported my with my job and anxiety (Rupert, Alex, Rob and Debbie; if you're still there, you're a fucking legends. Thank you so much for giving me the chance. I'm so sorry I let you down because I couldn't cope). Since that job, I've been unable to find employment because nobody will give me a chance.

The government-backed support structure in place for people with Autism and mental health, finding work, is almost non-existant. Everyone I work with is a charity, but they have no real leverage with employers and people like me are yet again forced to job search like everybody else, except with no chance at all.

The only other job I managed to pass an interview for, a refuse collection worker, I had an axniety attack and couldn't breath - right after the induction.

Actually, there's no point in typing any more about that. I've just come back from talking with my mother and sorting out what just happened. I now wish to return to the warm, plushie comfort of my Bed where I shall likely remain for most of the day.

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