(IIWII) BPD, yes, but where do I go from here?

What a great time to post something on my "blog" that I can't even call a blog. Yes, so it would be prudent of me to type this out as I will likely feel better for it. The first thing I have to say is I know I have some serious problems, I am fully, consciously aware of them and I know they put me in situations where I am the unreasonable party, yet I have absolutely no direct control over the emotions that they create. In a sense, I am completely and utterly at the mercy of this issue.

I have typed about this before, but I need to re-iterate it for this post. The emotional outbursts and quite frankly, delusional ways of thinking are destroying my life piece by piece, day by day, it gets worse. I have pushed away all but the most resilient friends, and tonight, I pushed my best friend and the person I love with all my heart, to his limit and I think I have compromised our friendship because of the way my issue makes me feel.

I am not going into details here, it's simply not worth it, but typing this, at least helps me record it in some capacity and maybe, just maybe, I can pick up the pieces and try and put them together in some kind of semblance of reparation.

It is what it is.

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I feel it has reached that point when I should probably make a post on this. I probably won't go into details regarding this, but, here it is. My 'issues' have recently undergone an escalation that is