Every time I attempt to be part of a community, mostly on Discord, it ends in conflict and me becoming significantly depressed as a result. I've typed about the conflict and why it happens in previous posts, but this post is not about why it happens or whether I can prevent it.
It's about the question I started asking myself after the most recent altercation.
Why the fuck do I care about joining communities and participating in communication with human beings?
And I can't answer it, because there is no other reason than the fact that I've built up a fallacy that I will somehow be happier involved in a community. I gain absolutely nothing from being exposed to other humans and their myriad possibilities of mental illness and illogic. I'm aware of my problems but other humans most often are not.
This most recent altercation reinforced the fact that human interaction merely irritates me and is in no way essential for my happiness.
When I achieved self awareness, I realised that I don't need to 'touch base' by embracing the social fallacy of apehood.
I've developed the ability to live a solitary, isolated life where I am the only voice with any meaning or 'say'. I do not wish for the unpredictability and volatility of human social interactions.