I noticed, over the years, that males will treat a person significantly different if they believe that person is female. They are often kinder, more caring and accepting of females. There are also cases where they are more toxic.
In both cases, it triggers my dysphoria. I recently joined a community in which I feel the former is true. Of course, considering my twisted, warped and particularly broken emotional state lately, this could all just be my delusions. When males are kind to you because they think you're a biological female, then in a way, "rescind" that kindness when they find out you are male, it triggers the extreme negative effects of the dysphoria.
I'm in bed, tires, upset and pissed off, don't fucking judge me for the lack of coherent sentences.
Where was I? That's right, I feel like complete garbage and, honestly, depressed to the point of teetering on the border of suicidal, because I don't feel special, I feel worthless as a male, and I hate myself for it. The gender dysphoria is extremely bad now.
I also find people simply refuse to understand, or even try to understand, the concept of gender identity and why it's not "wrong" to identify differently to the societal expectation of binary categorisation which is enforced with bigotry and resentment.
The jokes and general atmosphere there is... I don't know. I probably should leave and never go back. Remember what happened last time, Sash?
You know what needs to be done.