Human beings are simply not worth the effort in maintaining relationships. Something I've learned.

If there's been one constant in my life, it's that "people" have caused all of the problems. In my later years (present day back until around secondary school), my problems have mostly been caused by my actions regarding other people. I'm going to point out that my Aunt and scumbag of a family is an exception, as I am referring to my inability to hold healthy friendships, not the incoherent tantrums of a narcissistic bitch.


The problem is my extreme emotional responses. The power of which is so great that I have essentially no control over the outcome - usually my behaviour in response to the feelings. I could list a whole bunch of feelings and their triggers here, but it's honestly besides the point. The point is that I've learned that I am only ever hurting when other people are involved.


Yes, I know it's because of my own issues, well, mostly, but it doesn't change the fact that I feel the way I do. I'd go so far as to say my pretty messed up childhood and schooling experience is at least partly to blame, but then wouldn't that just be finding an excuse to hide my own inability to overcome my problems?


I periodically "clear out" my "friends list" on the final remaining "social platform" I allowed in my life (note the past tense), that is Steam Friends. This time I don't want to contact them to say sorry for removing them and such, I just want to leave and I want to be left alone with my problems so that at least I can't fuck myself up any more


This post wasn't about the nature of the feelings I have, because frankly, I don't care anymore and I doubt you, the random soul who stumbled across this web page, cares either. So let's just say that I think I would be happier long term, if I stay away from communication with other people, be it online or otherwise.

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