(IIWII) I can't have friends and they will be better off without me.

I said this before. But I'll say it again, due to my issues, I can't really have normal friendships or maintain normal relationships. My situation is largely caused by scumbags in my past messing me up in a cycle of abuse and re-opening said abuse with more scumbags, but, the reality is I can't have friends.

It hurt at first, to let go of someone close to me. I don't know if I have truly let go, but honestly now I'm just numb to it. He's better off without me using him as an emotional punchbag. Kinda hurts when I think about how relieved I feel, in a twisted way. Not talking to him feels liberating as I'm no longer forced to relive my obsessive anxiety with rejection over and over again, maybe now my heart will start to heal. We'll see.

Either way, it is what it is.