(Rant or something) Video games that Hurt me.

Needed to make a post on this because I just came to the conclusion that there is another video game i can't play because it causes me emotional distress. I play games to relax, unwind - escapism. I play them to feel powerful and in control of situations because I cannot in real life.

This post is just a vent/outlet. It probably won't even be coherent. But typing it actually helps me vent my frustration and emotional spaghetti rather than directing it inwards and doing bad things.

So, I've mentioned before that War Thunder is a toxic game that has a severe negative effect on my mental health. Mainly because it's so backwards with balancing that the entire premise of the game is to engage in PvP with other players that have objective advantages (unfair playing field). But I don't want to give that shitfest of a game another moment of my concentration.

The game I just stopped playing after 330 hours (including its DLC) is Cyberpunk 2077. This is a very different form of emotional damage, and I would like to point out that I love CP2077 as a game, and it is in no way held to the same very low standing as War Thunder, which I fucking hate.

Cyberpunk 2077 is just too emotionally heavy. It deals with concepts and storylines that are too emotional, there is too much pressure, there are too many consequences that are not outlined by quest objectives and as a result, I can play 10 hours and then realised I did something "Bad" in hindsight and the result is a mixture of depression and anger.

I do enjoy the gameplay loop, but I cannot finish the game. I got to the last quest on both the DLC and the base game, realised some things I'd did hundred hours ago have changed stuff (yes, this game has consequences) and I don't like those things and I have now drawn the line in the sand so to speak:

Cyberpunk 2077 literally stresses me out and causes me emotional anxiety that actually mirrors my real life social anxiety because I am forever trying to keep characters happy and when I do the "wrong thing" (based on the game's definition, not mine).... bad things happen and it triggers my entire depressive/anxiety complex that drives the very thing that plagues me in real life.

And so there it is. I can no longer play Cyberpunk 2077 because it is too well written emotionally. I don't want to be stressed or depressed when I play a video game, if some people like that shit, then sure, play it. Of course this is subjective, these very traits could be used to argue that the game is in fact excellent, but not for me. It's just too much, and I've realised that now.

I should really go play a game that I genuinely find relaxing.