This is the third attempt to get the Wix app to fucking work. Reinstalling it fixed it. So, with that aside, let me continue. Because you have no choice, unless you close this website and fuck off. You do have that choice.
Coping mechanisms are funny things. They manifest in many ways, often destructive and somewhat ironically, compound my ability to actually cope with the problems that plague me, in the long term.
Even as I type this, I can feel it in the back of my mind. Beckoning me. Teasing me. Tempting me to act on the impulses. Act. Do it. Go forth.
Let it flow forth from my soul like a stream of pure rage and hatred.
I know what plagues me, I've typed it before. There are details beyond that, but they won't be discussed here.
No, instead I am laying here in my warm, cozy bed, with a Demon in my chest trying to break out. Adrenaline rush, butterfly feeling. Shivers.
I know my enemy. I've lived with it for so long. I'm no stranger to its cold touch, sapping happiness from my soul to fill its insatiable desire to see me take my own life.
But I won't. Fear isn't the only thing stopping me. No, I actually want to live. I just want the pain to stop.
But it won't. So here we are. I'm typing this, on my phone, at the mercy of my demon, breaking forth from the ether to feed on me. To destroy me.
Old friends, we are. Ever since I first saw you, I've known you closer than anyone else. Keep your enemies close, they say.
I know what you want and you will not get it. Not yet. I can't do it.
So tell me about this plan you had. You promised me it would ease my pain. For that, I will do anything.